


The Profile of a Liar

by Ambassador666



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Ass Main Character but he means well, Assassins & Hitmen, Betrayal, Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Development, Emotional Manipulation, Male Antagonist, Male Self-Insert, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mind Games, Obsession, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Pyromania, Self-Insert, Slow Burn to Antagonist, So does his sensei, Team Bonding, Undecided Relationship(s), questionable morals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-20 12:49:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11921262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambassador666/pseuds/Ambassador666
Summary: Safety in this world is like grasping at smoke, like holding onto sand, he will not live in false peace. He will survive, and if that means betraying the village he's pledged allegiance to, then by God he'll do it.[Has been edited.]





	1. Humans die. It's creepy if they don't.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
> 
> Warning: Non-beta'd, so I did a rough read-through for grammatical errors and such. So if you stumble across something not looking right, sorry! XD
> 
> Please comment and tell me your thoughts. Constructive criticism! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited: 17, December, 2017

 

. ,

From outside his family's bookshop, Kazuya stared across the short path leading towards the Academy. It was early morning and the village hidden in the leaves was only just started to wake up. People moved around sluggishly, pausing occasionally to curse at the 'piss poor' weather. Kazuya couldn't help but agree with the sentiment, glancing up towards the sky. Thunder growled at him, clouds spat rain and wind scuffled his hair. It all had the makings of a tragic day, but Kazuya was determined to make it a good one.

If nothing, it was out of extreme desperation.

Today marked the start of what his niece, Danny (Kazuya's gut tightened, having forgotten what her face looked like) had once called 'the ark' or 'canon'. Meaning the anime he had found himself reborn into was finally beginning. Kazuya remembered, vaguely, what the anime looked like. When he was off duty he used to sit down and watch 'Naruto' with her. Astonishingly enough, he can loosely recall the first couple of episodes.

'Naruto' didn't start off raining.

It was  _summer_.

Kazuya didn't allow himself to think that maybe he hadn't been so careful after all. That despite all his tip toeing around major characters, maybe he had changed something - done something to disrupt the order of the world.

Kazuya had long ago been prepared to accept that as an option.

But, as he stared into the darkened morning that looked ready to swallow him whole – the feeling of rushing wind and icy rain against his skin, Kazuya couldn't help but but feel a little despair. The future was gone. All gone.

It suddenly felt very real.

And very oppressive.

He inhales sharply and quickly reminds himself of who he was -  _who I remember being_. He was a war veteran, an MI5 assassin. Whatever he had supposedly messed up, whatever he had supposedly missed - he can handle the consequences. His head bobs itself seriously at the thoughts.

It doesn't stop him from rushing inside and narrowly escape kissing the neon orange Bestsellers Sign that was crudely stickered onto a bookcase.

No little amount of wall space in the shop wasn't covered by a bookcase, same goes for the mid-section too. It's a tight fit when one enters, and would certainly make a claustrophobic run for the hills.

Time passed and Kazuya busies himself with restacking the shelves. His father won't be waking anytime soon. Having stayed up last night preparing him a cake to share with his teammates. Kazuya found the sentiment nice, reassuring. A reminder that he had a place in this world, no matter how small it may be when compared to the bombshell that came with being a Main Character. (He was comfortable being a background character and made sure as Hell to keep it that way.)

As though summoning the Devil himself, an neon orange streak careened by shouting like the hounds of the Baskerville were chasing him.

Kazuya stares, sighing at how  _predictable_  this world was.

"OH COME ON IT WASN'T EVEN ON PURPOSE THIS TIME!"

What a loud brat.

. ,

The moment of truth had arrived.

It was time for the Main Characters to begin whatever destiny had in store for them, and for him to sit back at a relatively safe distance. Not doing a thing to interrupt it.

He's going to let a war happen.

He's going to let children fight old men's wars.

_Like I did._

He pushes back the memory of his comrades' blood exploding onto his face, the rough sand of a desert, the sounds of bullets lodging themselves inside of skulls. He breathes, consciously stilling his hands and tucking them away in his pockets. He was sitting at the very front of the classroom (being mindful of the back window seat– the hot spot for Main Characters to brood in), waiting for this fixed point in time - he assumes - to finally get a move on.

It doesn't take long for the classroom to fill up. Children herding inside, shivering in their puffy jackets and chatting animatedly to one another about team placements. Around him friends sat next to each other, hoping it would increase their chances of being in the same team.

Some tried to strike up a conversation with him, but end up turning to others instead when he fails to be interesting enough.

He doesn't care.

What kind of adult wants to be friends with children?

Time passes, and one by one Kazuya counts off the unlucky bastards who were stuck to live life as Main Characters. The first on the list was Uchiha Sasuke. He emerges like a demon summoned from the depths of Hell.

Considering it was a very dim day and Sasuke had an innately dark personality, his sudden appearance in the doorway had more than one student blanching in fearful surprise.

"Hn."

He took the back window seat.

More time passed. In it, Inuzuka Kiba arrived with Akamaru, then Hyūga Hinata and the rest of the cast.

Amongst the chattering, Kazuya allows what sympathy he could manage to rise up out of the woodworks. They were children, born unknowingly to stop a war (one he was letting happen - does that make him the bad guy in this story?). Everything they've ever done, felt, said or desired has led to this exact moment. Fate, destiny, Masashi Kishimoto, whatever or whoever it was in control of this world, made them that way.

And none of them had a clue.

It was sad. They were innocent, haven't done anything to deserve what was going to happen in the very near future. Most of them will die, he knows, but most of them will live as well.

_And where will I be when shit hits the fan?_

Kazuya stares at the front of the classroom, knowing the answer to that question was a lot more complicated than he liked.

Finally, Iruka entered. He ignores the speech, the empty words meant to fill them with synthetic pride for their village, and instead focuses on team placements.

Moment of truth.

As Iruka lists names and squad numbers Jōnins come and go, each towing behind three twelve-year-olds. All the while Kazuya felt his fists clench so tightly, his nails were in danger of puncturing skin.

His reaction was ridiculous. This shouldn't be effecting him.

But...

If his presence did alter the timeline...Will he be responsible for thousands of deaths?

Kazuya silently curses at how damned unfair that was.

"Team seven," Iruka started. "Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto…"

"Yes! Hey, oi, Sakura-chan, did'ya hear that? We're teammates!"

"…and Uchiha Sasuke."

There was a choking sound and all was right in the world.

Kazuya let out a sigh. Biting back a relieved smile.

_I'm safe._

. ,

He jinxed himself.

. ,

Team Nine consists of an Aburame, a civilian, himself and their leader: a Nara.

. ,

The first instinct Kazuya had when he realized he was in Naruto was to curse the universe.

Also pack a bag and leg it to safety.

Get out of the village, hide in some obscure town far far away from the Plot and wade out the imminent war that was to come. It was lucky, in some twisted sense, that Kazuya was a three year old at the time and unable to maneuver quickly. If he were any older, his behavior would have been hailed as highly suspicious and most likely concerning. Nobody could blame him though, he was freaking out about the current suspension on the laws of physics and not remembering, at all, how he damned well kicked the bucket.

After some intense couple of weeks spent hysterically laughing at the sudden backlash of karma, he decided to man up.

As much as a three year old can, that is.

 _…So humiliating_.

His plan was to gather information, and strategize a way in surviving long term. He was in unfamiliar territory, a place ruled by mystical forces - not science. They didn't have guns and bombs - his type that is, he's curious about these 'paper bombs' -, rockets and MI5. They had something far more disconcerting.

Chakra.

At first Kazuya had planned to gather information from the sidelines in civilian territory. Outside of prying eyes and character plots. The plan was to push himself as far away from future destruction as he could. But then, as it always is in these typical stories, he had grown attached to the man who looked after him. His father.

Honestly, it wasn't surprising.

Kazuya never had a parent in his old life. At a young age he was orphaned along with his younger sister, Claire. He grew up neglected and alone, getting into fights and stealing for attention. The only person he allowed himself to love was Claire, and later on Danny.

[It also, as timed passed, came to his attention that while he may have memories of his adulthood. His body and emotions were of a child. No wonder he would become attached to the man.]

This newfound sentiment was the catalyst into making him drastically change plans. From experience as an agent, Kazuya knew the only way to hide was in plain sight. People who hid themselves were typically the ones who draw most attention and end up suspiciously disappearing only to be found days later with their throat slit.

He hoped this insane method worked just as well as it did in his world.

And it has. He's played the part of a background character convincingly enough. As time progressed and his knowledge on shinobi and chakra grew, he knew he had made the correct decision. Civilian school didn't teach these important antidotes on how to survive efficiently. If he had stuck to his original plan, his past knowledge would have gotten him killed. That realisation made him ill just thinking about it.

Predictably though, school was still school. No matter what universe he was in. And Kazuya had been there and done that. Certainly, the academy for shinobi was incredibly advanced. Created specifically to mold children into deadly assassins and seperate the 'gifted' from the 'normals'.

Bias. Hilariously bias.

Kazuya lasted two month in the 'normal' class before he got so bored he broke a student's arm during practice spars in a tantrum. They passed it up as an 'accident', thank Christ, and a week later he was transferred to the 'gifted' class. Apparently they were impressed by his efficiency in his kata and saw his potential in taijutsu.

That was a load of bullcrap if he's heard any- but Kazuya's never one to look a gift horse in the mouth and decided to go with the flow. Of course, he was more careful than ever and made certain to never allow himself to lose focus on containing his 'child' emotions.

It's disappointing to note that the advanced class was just as dull. He already knew how to sever a spinal cord and interrogate a civilian. The only fun parts were throwing pointy object at human shaped targets in the training fields. He made sure to keep what was considered an 'average' score in the class. But back at home, in the basement, he created his very own training room. His father Ryo worked a lot and never went down there so it didn't raise any eyebrows.

When he got bored though, Kazuya kept himself busy by re-writing the stories he used to read back in his old world. It was humiliatingly sentimental but it kept his memories fresh. Reassured that he wouldn't loose himself in this child body he was inhabiting. Often he would catch himself wanting to play ninja during lunchtime with his fellow peers or eyeing the cartoonish clothing other kids wear instead of his practical gear. Sometime's he'd watch his classmates play and laugh and he'd get this hollow ache inside his chest. It was annoying, infuriating, and sad.

Kazuya couldn't wait until he turned seventeen so his body could finally grow up and stop pissing him off.

. ,

Kazuya's eyes are trained on the back of his sensei's green flak jacket as he and his new teammates are led out of the classroom. The man was the very picture of a typical Nara: offensively tall, horrid posture and exuding an aura of consuming one too many pot brownies.

It pains his very being that this man, this high as a kite man, could potentially figure out he wasn't all he appeared to be.

Naras have a tendency to be overly observant.

"Sensei! Let me be the first to introduce themselves. I'm Morino Emi." Kazuya shakes himself out of his internal grumbling to glance at the dark skinned girl on his left.

She was smaller than him - which isn't all that surprising considering he's one of the tallest in their year - and wearing a durable outfit that contained more pockets than necessary: her jumper had custom maid pockets, her trousers had custom made pockets, she looked like a junior girl scout ready for the apocalypse.

Kazuya remembered Ino yelling about how she felt offended by the mere sight of her.

Though one thing did stand out - apart from that.

She look sure of herself.

Back straight, face expressionless and tone full of professionalism. She looked prepared,  _but…not as mature and grown-up as she'd liked to have been_ , he thinks, seeing a flicker of self-doubt in her eyes. "It's nice to meet you. I look forward to counting on you in the future!"

What an enthusiastic little brat. Would have been endearing if Kazuya cared for such things.

Then Hotaru giggles.

"You've got something to say, Aburame?" Emi demands, her honeyed smile anything but sweet.

The boy's smile falls, rage suddenly flaring behind his brown eyes at her taunting tone.

The air grew tense and he took a step towards her -

A sharp grunt forces him back and they all stare up at the Nara, who looks duly unimpressed.

Hotaru and Emi flush scarlet.

"Tch.." He scoffs and starts walking again. "We'll do introductions once we get there."

_Get where?_

Team nine exchange looks of bewilderment.

Kazuya shrugs and follows, not bothering to wait for the other two - who stand there a moment longer, eyeing each other coldly before making haste to catch up.

Nobody speaks again.

. ,

They end up in a concealed booth at a teashop called 'Dorairīfu' (Dry Leaf).

 _Funny_.

The Nara - whose name they don't yet know - orders Jasmine tea for them, and green tea for himself.

Out of fear for embarrassing themselves further, Hotaru and Emi don't argue. Still, Aburame doesn't look very happy about appearing inferior, so he makes an agreeing nod. As though he had a choice in the first place.

Minutes pass, and they continue to sit in silence, waiting for their tea to arrive. Around them the shop busies itself with customers. Everywhere had life; it was filled with morning chatter, laughing, sneezing,  _breathing_  - even the clapping of thunder outside blared life around him.

Then why were his ears ringing from the silence at the table?

Besides him Hotaru grew restless.

After fiddling with his ponytail and the hem of his baby blue shirt ( _Good Lord what an eyesore_ ) for what felt like hours, he finally breaks.

"So that weather. Nice stuff."

In a single motion, three sets of eyes glance to the shop's window. An unhappy sky frowns at them, crackling ominously.

Kazuya couldn't help but snort.

"See, the freak knows what I'm talking about."

On Hotaru left, Emi ploughs her elbow savagely into his ribs.

"Son of a - !" Aburame chokes.

Saliva and lungs did not mix well.

A couple more seconds of spluttering, he coughs again to clear his throat. Hands rubbing his side gingerly as he whirls around, shouting, "Hey! Why'd you do that?"

"We're a team now," Emi huffs, eyes fleeting to their sensei for approval. He showed none. "Teammates are like family. From now on we should be kind to one another. I'll start us off. Aburame, I apologize for my behavior earlier. It was rude and childish of me to react that way, but to be fair I was well within my rights to. You displayed no manners and insulted me. For fair-mindedness you should apologize as well."

Hotaru pauses. Then scowls. "Oi, you – "

"Here you go." A waiter with perfect timing arrives with their tea.

"Thank you." Their sensei says to the young man who bows and leaves. On instinct their eyes hone in on the mysterious Nara, thanking him as he pours their tea before his own.

Again, they sit in silence.

Around the table, three pairs of eyes stiffen as the Nara blows on his tea. Steam rises up vividly, flushing his cheeks and nose before he takes a long, sighing sip. They impulsively follow his action.

Kazuya's surprised by how nice the tea actually is. He hums appreciatively.

Nobody shared his sentiments.

"I want each of you tell me why you want to become shinobi."

It takes all of his self-control to not choke at his sudden commanding voice. Like a crack that broke the dam, the silence of white noise floods with sound. He gulps down another mouthful of jasmine tea. Letting the pain in his throat ground him.

This damned Nara was putting him on edge.

Kazuya didn't like it.

"Hai, sensei!" Emi slams her cup down enthusiastically, startling the life out of Hotaru who nearly scorches himself with tea. "When I was young my dad – "

"Ten words or less, Emi-chan. I don't want to listen to an emotional speech on how you defied your sexist father and proved your worth to the world. I don't want to listen to your trials and tribulations. I don't want to listen to someone's whining and excuses about their tragic past. I want to know what's deep inside you, what holds your bones up. What your principles are. Your core."

Silence.

His voice was neither harsh nor cold. It was simply imposing, it was calm, it- his eyes connected with his.

Those eyes.

Like they know something.

Kazuya looks away, gritting his teeth.  _Naras._  He hates them.

Besides him Hotaru mumbled something.

"Eh?" asked Emi, coming out of her insulted stupor. "Your desire to what?"

"…Protect people."

His response took Emi by surprise. Mouth opening and closing like a fish. "Protect –  _you_? The school bully?" She asks, a hint of scorn and genuine disbelief colouring her tone. Like a mother calling out her lying child.

Oh boy.

Hotaru whirls to her, eyes fierce but also troubled. "Is it so hard," he hissed, "to imagine me actually wanting to protect the people I care about?"

Emi nods. Very sure of herself, "Yes."

Kazuya swallowed a wince.

Hotaru snarls, expression ablaze with anger as he shoots up from his seat. "Oh and you're so perfect!"

A cool smile curls her lips. "Better than the school bully. A spineless insect pretending to have a heart."

"You're one to talk."

Her expression falters for a moment. And Hotaru hones in on it like a shark smelling blood.

"The girl whose heart is covered in ice. A sociopath that's scared her father so much he barely acknowledges her existence. A girl whose classmates fear, a girl whose expected to kill her own teammates and end up going on a massacre." His eyes glint madly as he strikes the final blow. "Who some people compare to  _Uchiha Itachi_  – "

"Shut your mouth!" She shoots up in her seat. "You don't know shit!"

"Neither do you!"

"Man, I only asked what your principles were." Muttered the Nara breezily, staring up at the two through half-lidded eyes. Emi freezes, face flushing in shame. "Sit down, you're drawing attention."

Kazuya cranes his neck; face meeting the sight of what was probably the entire café occupants staring at their table. Gaping in astonishment and guilt at being caught. Quickly they all go back to their conversation, pretending to not still be listening.

Nosy civilians.

Hotaru and Emi slide back awkwardly into their seats, unable to meet their sensei's eyes.

"That's twice now I've had to stop you two from attacking one another." He leans back, cradling the cup of tea lovingly to his chest as he muses to himself. "Hmm, I wonder if I should even accept this team."

"What?" deadpans Hotaru.

"What do you mean accept?" Emi asks in a slightly panicky voice. "We're genin. Your team. You're our sensei, what do you mean  _accept_? What's left to accept?"

The Nara eyes them closely before swinging his gaze to Kazuya.

"You know."

Kazuya blinks up lazily, ignoring the way Emi and Hotaru's etes zero in on him like a lion to a baby gazelle. Their sensei grins lopsidedly at his silence, eyes growing a little bit harder than before.

Obviously, he wanted Kazuya to join the conversation.

Sad, he doesn't feel like talking. But he had to make at least an 'okay' impression. No matter how much a part of him says it doesn't matter. That his sensei has already profiled them and gauged their personalities.

"Maa," Kazuya sighs, placing the teacup down after a quick sip. "We're technically not genin yet."

"Yes we are." Emi states. Hotaru bobs his head in agreement.

"Hmm, no we're not."

"Yeah, we are." Hotaru points to the hitai-ate wrapped around his head like a bandanna. "See.  _Genin_."

Kazuya squints at the painfully red fabric, and gives his best put-upon sigh. "I thought you were smarter, Aburame-san."

"O-oi, listen here you freak – "

"Let me get this straight." He begins in a contemptuous drawl. "In your mind, it makes perfect sense that all it takes to becoming a shinobi is getting an okay score on an Academy exam. Because you passed you can now kill people. End a person's entire existence from start to finish. Because you passed a school exam you are now permitted, by law, to end every emotion, every memory of a person you hardly know. You become the last thing they see, their gatekeeper to death. The last thing they fear. You become a God of death, stealing that final breath from their body before it turns cold and empty. You do all of this, because you passed an exam and got a decent score." Kazuya cocks his head at Hotaru. "Is that how your mind works, Aburame-san?"

There was a rather awkward pause.

"…No?" Hotaru responds in a weak voice. "I mean, uh, yes? Uh.."

The Nara raises an eyebrow, lips tipping upwards slightly as the boy continued to stutter out a response.

"I, uh, I'm not, it's not like that I just thought…" He trails off as the Nara made a quieting gesture, face red in embarrassment. Besides him Emi hadn't said anything.

There was a strange expression on her face.

"Emi-chan, anything to add?"

"…Nothing, Sensei."

"In that case," the Nara raises his tea to Kazuya. "Please, explain what you three have to do to be officially accepted as genin of the Leaf."

Kazuya takes another swig of tea, liking the taste. He might come back here after today, the tea is rather nice. "We have to pass a test. Set by you."

"Eh?" Gasps Hotaru, slamming an open palm on the table. "Another test?!"

"So this is what uncle meant." Whispers Emi, grinding her teeth together in annoyance. "That cryptic man."

"Yes." Nods the Nara. "While the Academy tests are important  _academically._  After all we don't want an idiot out working missions for the Leaf and putting Her reputation on the line. The Academy test fall weak in judging whether someone's prepared for fieldwork or not."

"But how is the test the Academy gave us any different from yours?" Asks Hotaru.

"I was just getting to that," their sensei says dryly. "It's different now, because you've been allocated into a team that's permanent for the entirety of your genin career. As such the responsibility to test whether this team is mission worthy or not, falls to me - since I'm your potential Jōnin sensei. If you do good on the test and pass, I keep you."

"…and if we don't?" Hotaru asks the dreaded question.

"You'll either be sent back to the Academy to repeat a year," Hotaru thudded his head a few times against the back of the seat. " _Or_ , if you show latent talent in something, say Iryō ninjutsu, then we'll assign you as an apprentice to someone at the hospital. It'll keep you busy until team assignments are up and running again." He shrugs. "Make you someone else's responsibility."

_That was unnecessarily rude._

There was a moment of tense silence, then...

"What's your test, Sensei?" Emi asked. Hands clenched into fists and eyes glinting with merciless determination. "I'm not going back to the Academy.  _I refuse_."

"Yeah, me too." Agrees Hotaru, feeling better about the situation. It was widely known that when Emi was determined, she could achieve almost anything.

"Oh?" The Nara cocks his head to the side curiously. "Determined are we? What makes you so sure you can pass?" His eyes glint as he tries to get a rise out of them. "Is it arrogance? Ego? - "

"Faith." Hisses Emi. With such conviction and pain, it stops him speaking. "That's what's my core, Sensei. I have faith in myself."

The Nara stares at her for a short moment, then nods. "Good," he says and sits up. "Technically, some Jōnin test their students tomorrow to make it harder on them. But the thought of having to wait sounds so darn trouble -"

"What – wait, why would it be harder?" Pipes Hotaru, then closes his eyes when realizing he had just interrupted again.

The Nara gives the three of them a bland look. "Why do you lot keep on disrupting me?"

Hotaru coughs. "Sorry, Sensei."

"Hmm, well," he sighs, "It's to do with the fact that upon receiving a genin team, Jōnin can't take any longer than forty-two hours to test them. If you go over the allotted time frame, the genin are automatically sent back to the Academy." The three of them stare. He hums, eyes creasing in a lazy smile. "Yes, in other words you lot have approximately…" he checks his wrist watch, "forty hours, twenty-eight minutes and fifteen seconds to accomplish this test I'm about to give you."

"Oh shit." Hotaru whispers in disbelief.

"I'm ready, Sensei." Emi practically growls in anticipation. Elbowing Hotaru out of his depression while she was at it. "Tell us the test. I can take it."

He spares them one last look before reaching into his Jōnin vest and producing a brown file. When he places it on the table Emi wastes no time in snatching the paper and flipping through. There were twin gasps of horror and Kazuya leans over Hotaru, who seemed to have frozen in fear.

He blinks twice, then laughs a little.

_What a Goddamn nut job._

The file contained a single page. Written on it in messy handwriting was: ' _Infiltrate T &I, steal my brother's lunch and frame someone.'_

"You're shitting me." He couldn't help but ask.

"Hmm, no. I'm not. That's your test."

 _This guy's insane,_ Kazuya thought, marginally impressed and horrified.  _Actually insane._

None of them got to protest as their sensei disappears in a gust of leaves.

. ,


	2. If you're going through Hell. Keep going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited: 7, June, 2018

 

. ,

They ended up paying for the tea.

Emi paced back and forth inside an isle of Konoha's library. She had picked this place for both its privacy, and silence for thinking. As it was still raining outside and the library was warm, no one complained. Perched against a bookshelf looking miserable, was Hotaru - sitting cross-legged on the ground opposite him, was Kazuya.

Who was feeling simultaneously excited by this challenge and infuriatingly pissed that this Nara had gone and snuffed out his ideal placement of being somewhat overlooked for his shinobi career.

A large part of him knew that plan was always unlikely. That every shinobi is under constant surveillance. But a bloke could dream. It helped keeping him feel secure all these years.

Now he had to wake up and smell the daisies. He's a shinobi of the Leaf. He can't hide.

Kazuya shakes himself from the tangle of useless thoughts and forces himself to concentrate on the task at hand.

"Could you stop pacing, woman?" Hotaru grumbles. "You're making me anxious."

"Shush! I'm trying to think."

"You can do that sitting  _down_."

"We need to formulate a plan." Kazuya drawls, unflinching when they glare at him. He was certain those two just wanted an excuse to hit something – or someone.

"We know." They hiss then stare at each other. Gazes cool.

"To do that, we have to know each other's strengths and weaknesses." He continues on as though oblivious to the tense atmosphere.

Hotaru scoffs, folding his arms and remaining tight-lipped. Emi, however, considers this and nods. The odd one out gawks.

"Oi, Morino-san you don't actually intend to listen to the freak, do you?"

"His words have merit, Aburame-san." She states, flopping down in the middle of the isle and giving Hotaru a stern glare. "I, for one, don't intend on repeating this year. So I beg you, put aside your overinflated ego for a second and look at the big picture here. We're in danger of not becoming genin and this is the second time Hideo-san's proven himself to be more knowledgeable than we give him credit for." Emi then fixes her eyes on Kazuya, gaze almost burning. "My primary strength is Genjutsu. Honestly, I can cast nearly all D-rank genjutsus, but I have average chakra levels. The longest I've been able to hold one is for nearly ten minutes – although my average is five. I'm standard in weapons, and stealth but I can act and con people pretty easily. I have average speed and my main weakness is ninjutsu."

Kazuya nods, already knowing this. 

During his time in the Academy, one of his favorite pass times was people watching.

He knew everything about these two. Their hobbies, their likes, dislikes, weaknesses. Like for instance, one of Emi's weaknesses was failure.

Because her father thought she was one.

All he has to do is tamper with that self-confidence and make her dependable on him and ta da. Perfect teammate willing to sacrifice herself for him on missions. 

Beautiful.

"My primary strengths are taijutsu and ninjutsu but I excel at both stealth and infiltration. I have average reserves. My weapon skills and speed are also average. My foremost weakness is genjutsu."

They turn to Hotaru.

(The same weakness goes for him, Kazuya was beginning to see the benefits of having them as teammates)

His face falls.

"Son of a – Alright, fine!" He sighs dramatically, putting on a show of reluctance as joins them on the floor. For a second he says nothing, face showing a plethora of emotions before he hesitantly grumbles out, "my strengths are ninjutsu and genjutsu. I have good chakra control and average reserves. I'm proficient with fire jutsus and average in speed. I'm good at stealth like the freak," Emi growls, "but I'm…really bad at taijutsu."

"Hmm, you're good at drawing though, right?" Kazuya asks, getting to the core of his plan and shocking Hotaru out of his depressing funk.

"Eh, uh, no!" He denies loudly, making a large X motion with his hands. "No! Why, er, why do you think that? What would give you an impression that I can draw? That's, heh, so girly why - "

"Oh please." Emi scoffs, rolling her eyes. "You're obviously lying."

" _No_." Hotaru stresses. Looking distinctly uncomfortable. "I am not."

"I need you to draw our Sensei so we can ask around and find out who he is – who his  _family_  is and therefore, lead us to his brother."

Hotaru stares at him, mouth opening and closing a couple of times in bewilderment. Emi was openly gaping, speechless in shock and a hint of respect. Although there was something hidden burned in her eyes.

_Jealously? Might be. She doesn't like being upstaged._

Almost just as quick Emi regains her composure, skin flushing a bit.

"Okay." Hotaru admits, finding Kazuya's idea promising. "I can draw. I draw. It's a thing I do. Tell anyone and I'll strangle you - But how  _did_  you know?"

Kazuya gives a coy smile. "That would mean telling."

"Oi -"

"It's brilliant." Emi smirks in that dangerous way of hers that used to make little children cry.

"You're needed for this part, Morino-san." Kazuya tells her. "You say you can convincingly con people, right?" She nods eagerly. "You'll need to distract that chūnin over there," his voice drops so only his teammates can hear while pointing at the target. "So I can sneak into the special archives at the back and steal the blueprints for the T&I building."

They stare.

"Okay, not so brilliant." Deadpans Emi. "Are you insane? I can easily draw up those blueprints, there's no need for you to steal them."

This time Hotaru and Kazuya stare.

She flushes pink. "What? My uncle's head of T&I, I've visited him so many times I know that building like the back of my hand."

"Woman, you are scary." Hotaru informs her, looking a tad horrified. "Also that explains  _so_  much,  _my God._ "

. ,

By the time lunch rolls around they agree to head back to the Academy for the food they packed. Hotaru was almost done with the sketch of sensei and Emi was half-complete with the floor plans (they had previously made a quick trip to the art shop for supplies). So far so good, and despite the somewhat positive energy around them, they all knew this was the easy part. The thought of infiltrating T&I, although nobody cared to admit it (frankly it didn't need to be, it was damn obvious), made adrenaline pour into their system. Made them stop for breath, heart thud in horror and excitement, but ultimately, it made them feel ill.

Kazuya didn't truly feel ill, more like a tiny ball of nervousness from coming out of 'retirement'. He was rusty. Extremely so. He didn't expect anything to come from this potentially messy plan of theirs.

[Honestly, he could come up with a better one if they gave him some more time and a couple experienced shinobi. But he was a 'genin' right now. Genin can't infiltrate high-profile buildings. What was Shikari aiming to get out of this? Did he want them to fail? Is he purposefully failing them to get out of having to teach a bunch of immature adolescents?]

"I don't think I can eat my lunch, guys." Hotaru finally utters the sentiment as they walk into Academy grounds. Shaking raindrops off their coats.

Emi nods while making a 'brr'ing sound. Kazuya doesn't know how she could be cold with so many layers on.

Unsurprisingly. Her parka has pockets.

_What a weird kid._

"We need our energy." Kazuya points out, mounting the steps that lead to their lockers. "Without it our bodies won't function properly."

"I know." Hotaru mutters, looking sick.

"Besides, my father made us red-velvet cake."

That perked him up.

"Actually, I can go for some lunch."

Five minutes later they're inside an empty classroom eating cake and brainstorming ideas.

"Entering through air-vents appears to be the likely course of action." Emi declares, pointing at the mock-up half-finished blueprints spread out on the floor.

"I agree." Nods Hotaru, earning him an awkward smile from Emi. Although her smiles were by no means cute-looking, the sentiment was nice.

This seemed to be the perfect opportunity for an attempt at a heart to heart.

Kazuya took a large bite of cake and swallowed.

"Look, uh," Hotaru fidgets. "I'm…sorry? For the things I said?"

Kazuya pinches his nose. "Is that a question or a statement?" He asks, trying to get the ball rolling so they can get back to planning their botched infiltration mission.

"Statement!"

"Thank you." Emi responds stiffly, avoiding eye contact as she flips her pencil around like a kunai. A nervous habit Kazuya had noticed. "I'm also sorry for the hurtful words I have said."

An extremely uncomfortable smile lifts Hotaru's face. "I forgive you."

Deciding enough was enough, Kazuya tears into their peaceful ambiance.

"There's a fault in that plan though."

"You really can't read the atmosphere, can you?" Mutters Hotaru.

"Air vents will make our scent travel ten-fold. Anyone with a good nose, for instance the Inuzuka, could sniff us out in a matter of seconds. Possibly even less given they're Jōnin. Also, there's a high chance there will be detection seals placed around the outer perimeter of T&I. If they're smart, which I'm ninety-eight percent certain they are, then they're placed inside air vents as well." He leans forward and looks at his teammates. "We will get spotted a meter or two outside the building. If we get that far, that is, because we also have to worry about the Hyūga's kekkei genkai. Taking these factors into consideration, our mission will end before it even began."

Dead silence rings for a tense moment. Each trying to swallow what he'd said - figuratively and literally. Hotaru looked about ready to choke on his cake.

Emi scowls. "That's so  _obvious_. Why didn't I think of that?"

Kazuya doesn't bother patting her wounded ego. "Unfortunately, you are right Morino-san, air vents are the only way to go."

"How do we get past the seals and Hyūga then?" Groans Hotaru, rubbing his face.

"…We could trigger a distraction." Emi whispers, a half-crazed smile stretching her face. "If the entirety of T&I are distracted, then they wouldn't notice a seal or two going off. And the Hyūga will be too overwhelmed by the shock of it to notice us slip past, won't they?"

"Hot damn, woman."

Kazuya nods, considering this and taking a thoughtful nibble of cake. "That could work, but it depends on the kind of distraction. A scuffle on the street would gain us one or two shinobi. There's only three of us and at least two should infiltrate the building. The person left behind could either cause a riot themselves or bribe people to do a mock fight. But we're talking about T&I and Hyūga here. They're elite shinobi who effortlessly look underneath the underneath. They'd figure out what's going on quick enough. What could possibly convince and gain the entirety of T…and I…."

_She doesn't mean..._

Emi spreads her arms out dramatically and proclaims the horrible idea of, "an explosion."

Hotaru inhales his own saliva and makes a horrified choking sound.

"It's perfect." She deadpans, at least showing the decency of not finding this a laughing matter.

Kazuya pointedly ignores the twitching of her lips.

"It could work." He admits. Shrugging an uncaring 'sorry' at the incredulous look Hotaru gives him. "It's the only option we have at the moment," not true, he could write a list, "but you're welcome to keep thinking. For now though, lets work with Emi's idea." He nods at her, handing over the reigns of planning.

"Right," she smiles. "There's this shop opposite the T&I building that's currently undergoing renovation. We could blow that up."

"Aaahh, but this is a shinobi village, right?" Argues Hotaru, somewhat panicky. "A quick water jutsu will have it out in no time and we'd get caught."

Emi frowns. "That's true."

"Hmm, misdirection?" Kazuya offers."What if we misdirect their attention? Give them something big to panic about." He  _was_  curious about the paper bombs.

"Oh?" Emi inquires curiously.

"What if we…" He hesitates. "Make them believe they're being invaded?"

Hotaru sits there with his mouth open for a short while. Expression collapsing in on itself.

Kazuya steamrolls on.

"What if we simultaneously explode all renovating shops in Konoha – in a controlled way, mind you, and release papers saying 'death to the Leaf!'? It'll keep them busy enough for two of us to infiltrate T&I, get the lunch and frame somebody."

Emi hesitates before nodding grimly. "That might just work."

"Oh my god oh my god ohmygodohmygod what are you people saying?" Hotaru protests, rearing into original panic mode while munching furiously.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but Aburame-san," Emi starts, eyes sparkling. Hiding her own horror. "I never knew you were such a pansy. Now I  _sincerely_  take back what I said earlier."

The reaction is immediate.

"I am not a pansy." He defends his honor, spitting crumbs all over her blueprint. She idly swipes them away only to pause as she spots Kazuya staring at them. An intense look in his eyes and blank expression, both of which made outside seem warm compared to the room. In that moment Emi found herself feeling both confused and deeply afraid.

She's never seen him so... He's always apathetic, lazy and staring into space. Never….whatever this is.

Glancing to Hotaru, she knew the feeling was mutual.

"Aburame-san, I don't know if you've noticed by now, but our Sensei has given us an impossible mission to accomplish," Kazuya says in such a frighteningly cheerful tone it sends chills down their spines. "As though he's  _expecting_  us to fail. I don't know about you, but that really pisses me off. I've already decided I'm going to pass this test. I'll fight tooth and nail to keep this forehead protector. In doing so I'm also going to make sure to leave a lasting impression on not only Sensei, but the entirety of Konoha's military force. I'm going to prove to them that I don't need to be rookie of the year, or be highly intelligent to be considered equally dangerous and talented. I don't need to have clan techniques in my belt to do some serious damage. I'm going to prove to them, just how wrong they are in underestimating me – to not have faith in my skills they're so quick to overlook."

They stare, feeling both extremely intimidated and surprisingly motivated.

"Heck yeah." Hotaru says. Opposite him Emi shakes her head in bewilderment.

"We're actually gonna do this." She whispers.

"We are." Kazuya simply nods. "After lunch I'll go search for renovating shops, apartments and the like in a twenty-five block perimeter around T&I. Also, I might stop by the library to do research on finding ways in controlling explosions. I don't intend to harm any civilians and making a semi-permanent reservation in T&I."

"Oh no need. I already know how to do that."

Kazuya is unsurprised at hearing that come from Hotaru, he knew the boy had a penchant for fire. He just needed him to admit it.

[He'd bet his nine lives (which, after being reborn Kazuya's convinced he has) Hotaru's elemental chakra is fire.]

"Really?" Asks Emi, trying to keep the disbelief showing.

"Yeah," he smiles, scratching the back of his neck. "I, uh, like fire."

"It looks like you'll be the outside man then." She says, hiding her amusement at the relief on his face. "But I wish you weren't, you're…" her voice trails off as Emi seems to struggle with her words. Running a hand through her boyish hair. "…Better than me at stealth."

Hotaru simply glows.

"Don't look so smug."

"Me? Smug?  _Never_."

"Now that we've got those things sorted out, what else do we need to plan?" Kazuya asks.

He lets them pause in thought.

Hotaru snaps his fingers. "The scent. There's always a chance somebody can smell you. How do we work around that?"

"I've been thinking about it," starts Emi seriously. "And I think I know how to fix that problem. My uncle has these cloaks of his that are specifically made to hide his scent. I think it was a gift from Tsume-sama when he rescued Hana-chan on a mission."

Kazuya leans forwards a bit at that. How interesting, a clothing which could have seals that can hide from an Inuzuka's nose.

He definitely needs to get his hands on that cloak. He's studied some sealing in his spare time. For curiosities sake (the thought of becoming a bijui himself was originally tempting. So much power at his fingertips...) and if he could copy the seals on Ibiki's cloak...

The possibility of being able to escape Konoha before the war just became more real.

"You didn't think of mentioning that before?" Drawls Hotaru.

She leans back to kick him. He easily blocks it with a hand. "I forgot. It's not like I remember my uncle's fashion taste."

"That's good, Morino-san." Kazuya hums, reaching to the side and cutting himself another slice of cake. Next to him Hotaru nudges his arm for a slice of his own. "But will your uncle notice if we take them? It could tip him off if three of his prized cloaks suddenly vanish."

She cocks her head with an enigmatic smile. "It would, if he was coming home tonight."

Looking up from the cake, Kazuya goes, "huh."  _Fantastic._  Before handing Hotaru his slice and cutting himself a share.

Emi's eyebrow twitched. "That's it? That's the reaction I get?"

Wiping crumbs from his mouth, Hotaru snorts. "Shouldn't come as a surprise. He's one apathetic bastard – yeowch!"

"Deserved it."

With a wince he rubs his calf. Woman's got one hell of a kick.

"We also," she goes on to add, balancing the tip of her pencil again a finger. "Need to find out who this mysterious Sensei of ours is." Nodding to Hotaru she asks, "When will you be finished with that? … I've got an idea on who to ask."

Hotaru glanced at the drawing in his hand and estimates, "Give me about ten minutes. Who do you plan on asking?"

"Aah, Shikamaru-kun…"

 _Another damned Nara,_  Kazuya sighs.

A Nara, that he's come to notice, doesn't like him. Shikamaru seems to have come to his own conclusions about Kazuya's person. And the result is: avoidance.

Kazuya doesn't bother concerning himself over it. Shikamaru avoiding him works to his favor. Nosy Naras can stay out of his life. The less the merrier.

"Oh, well, is he still here though? We didn't see many of our classmates when we came back." Hotaru cranes his neck around like a curious pigeon, as though expecting Shikamaru to randomly pop into view.

"If he isn't here, I can find him easily." Emi admits almost sheepishly. "There's not a lot of places in Konoha Shikamaru-kun goes to. I'll probably find him at a barbeque restaurant with Akimichi-san since it's raining and there's no pretty clouds to watch. He doesn't like rainy days."

For a short moment, Hotaru's face reveals a whole plethora of emotions ranging from realization, to horror, to extreme denial, then mirth.

"Oh man." He giggles, shoulders shaking as Emi begins to flush scarlet. Olive skin turning pink.

"Shut. Up."

"That lazy Nara?" He blocks a vicious kick. "I would have thought you'd like someone smarter – "

"He is smart."

Hotaru squints. "…He is?"

Before this conversation could rear itself into uselessness, Kazuya brings them back to the matter at hand. "Thank you, Morino-san. You and Aburame-san can handle gathering that info."

"And what will you be doing?" Emi asks.

"I already told you that, I'll be roaming Konoha writing down renovating places for our explosions. Ones that won't be worked on tomorrow." He pauses, considering. "I'll also pick up a box of paper, ink and brushes to make our explosion tags."

"How many should we make?" Hotaru wonders aloud, voice tinged with dread. Kazuya didn't envy him. The boy couldn't write a seal if his life depended on it.

"Depends on how many places we need to blow up."

"Ah. Uh, guys I need to warn you," Hotaru bites his lip, muttering, "I'm…  _terrible_  at seals."

Emi's fate twists into regret, "So am I." Oh..

They turn to Kazuya mournfully.

He sighs. _These brats_. "Looks like I'll be staying up late writing seals tonight."

"Sorry." They mumble.

"Maa, it's good you both told me." He says. This was a step up from two hours ago when they were acting like hotshots about to drop kick each other. "If we had used a faulty seal somebody could have gotten seriously injured." They nod, "Also you guys could have blown yourselves up so," he sends a thumbs up to their wide eyed expressions. "If I'll be writing up the seals tonight, then you two can make the leaflets."

"Sounds fair." Emi blinks. "So, all it needs to say is ' _death to the Leaf!_ '?"

"Also looking somewhat terrifying would be much appreciated." He adds. "We need to make this convincing enough to create a buzz long enough for us to sneak in."

"So the leaflets should look like horror movie titles." Opts Hotaru, earning a nod. "That's easy. How many should we make?"

"At least a hundred each." At their hunted looks he adds, "I'll give you guys a replicating seal."

"That's a thing?"

"My dad uses it for work." He shrugs. "He's Konoha's head archivist, it's a necessary tool for the job. They're always lying around the apartment so it's unlikely he'll notice two missing."

"Oh thank God." Hotaru nods, absentmindedly swallowing a bite of cake. "I don't think I could handle making a hundred identical prints without loosing my mind."

"Ditto." Mumbles Emi.

"Another thing we seem to have forgotten is what time we'll set off the explosions and infiltrate the building."

"Yeah," thought Hotaru aloud. "What time will they be at their most weakest?"

The two boys turn to Emi, who looks apologetic.

"Haven't a clue."

"Ugh."

"I think before sunrise will be the safest." Kazuya announces the unpopular opinion.

"I, uh, don't think we'll be awake enough to do that." Hotaru objects, looking a bit scared at the thought of going into this half-baked.

"It's the only time when setting off the explosions will give us a low chance of injuring someone."

"Oi, now wait a minute freak," Hotaru scoffs. Offended. "I told you I can control the explosions." He pauses, giving Kazuya a firm look. "You can trust me on this. I know what I'm doing."

 _You_ think _you know what you're doing._  Kazuya stares. _You're twelve years old and inexperienced._

"I hate to say it," Emi admits grudgingly. "We'll have to trust Aburame-san on this one, Hideo-san. I don't like the idea of going into this sleepy, I don't want to risk it."

"…Alright." He sighs. "Do you know when the building is at it's emptiest then?"

Emi's face twists into thought. "Just before sunset."

"Then that's the time we infiltrate."

"So we'll be sitting around tomorrow doing nothing?" Hotaru says with the look of someone who's about to face imminent doom.

"No," Kazuya corrects, "We'll be going over the plan again and again and again until it's cemented into our brains. And when that's done, I'll teach Emi stealth and you'll skulk around Konoha placing our exploding tags in renovating shops. Tomorrow we'll keep ourselves productive. No slacking off."

"For someone who's so apathetic you're remarkably constructive." Emi deadpans.

"Maa," he flaps a hand. "You'll get used to it."

"Doubt it." Mumbles Hotaru, rubbing his eyes as he goes back to the drawing of Sensei. Emi takes it as a sign and leans over to finish the blue prints.

"There's another problem though." He says joyfully, ignoring their grumbles.

"Another one?"

"Our clothing, it's too bright." Kazuya openly stares at Hotaru's red forehead protector. "You'll need to change that."

"What?" He squawks, hands flying up. "But I just got it!"

"How do you expect to sneak around Konoha with that?"

Emi stares down at herself and frowns at him. He waves a dismissive hand.

"You're fine."

"O-oi, since when did I start valuing your opinion anyway?" Hotaru Barks. "You're the class fre – Mother of God woman stop kicking me!" He rears back at Emi's burning glare. If she came from Krypton he would have been crisped alive.

"You know perfectly well, Aburame-san, the answer to that stupid question."

"I," Hotaru seems to work through a block in his throat. "I know it's just…" he leans towards her in hushed tones. As though Kazuya couldn't hear him.

The man in a child's body glances heavenwards.

 _Christ_.

"It's just…he's the freak, you know?"

Emi nods in bleak understanding. "I know."

"Since when was he so…good at this type of stuff, anyway? It's creepy."

"Maybe he's like Shikamaru-kun. He doesn't move unless motivated."

"Maybe. It's still creepy though."

"Oh I know."

"This is the most I've heard him talk in over seven years. It's  _creeping_  me  _out_."

"Oh. I know."

"Aburame-san," Kazuya sighs for what he felt was the billionth time that day. "You need to replace that forehead protector by tomorrow morning when we meet up."

Hotaru made a whimpering sound. "But it's the closest colour to pink!"

"Don't care."

"But – "

"Your favorite colour is pink?" Emi nearly chokes. "How on earth were you ever considered to be the school bully?"

"Oh you can go fuc – "

"And wear black." Kazuya timely interrupts, eyeing Hotaru's baby blue shirt and tan shorts. Call it a wild guess but Kazuya's certain Hotaru only dresses like that to push himself apart from other Aburames.

"Fine." Hotaru huffs after a short pause of contemplation. "What else?"

"Hmm?"

"Should I wear a mask or something to cover my face? You know, for full coverage in the shadows?"

Kazuya felt a little surprise.  _They're learning,_  he thought _, slowly, but they're learning._

His shock must have showed a bit because Hotaru shared a subtle 'bro fist' with Emi.

"That's a good idea." He said, rubbing his nose in thought. "Emi and I should also wear one. It will muffle the sounds of our breathing in the air vents. I'll get them while scouting for places to blow up."

They all nod in agreement.

"What about shoes?" Adds Emi, twirling her pencil in-between fingers. "Our sandals will surely leave sound. And we can't use chakra to be silent because they'd sense us easily."

"We'll be suppressing our chakra as we infiltrate too," Kazuya adds, having realized he forgot to mention that.

"Right." Nods Emi at the same time Hotaru says "Oh damn, I didn't think of that.".

"This is a test," Kazuya reminds them quickly, leaning forward on his elbows. "Sensei is testing our  _skills_. We're already using the cloak – which I am eternally grateful to have - as a handicap. We can't cling to shortcuts like they're our teddy bear. We're shinobi of the Leaf, lets act like it."

"…Okay." Emi sighs, "I hear you. Tomorrow and if we have time, today, let's train that weakness."

"Son of a…" Hotaru looked heavens with a scowl. "The Academy test wasn't this complicated."

"I'm actually a little relieved," hums Emi, scowling bitterly. "If we didn't find this hard then senei's not testing us properly."

"And we'd go into the field filled with false confidence." Kazuya inserts, giving Hotaru a look. "Most likely ending up with a kunai to the heart, if we're lucky to die in such a peaceful manner."

They share a moment of silence before he says, "I'm done with lunch so I leave I need to know your clothing size. You can pay me back for them tomorrow."

They each rattle off numbers that Kazuya memorizes.

He gets up and does a little stretching.

"Lets meet back here in an hour and a-half."

. ,

In total there were thirty-three shops and apartments that were being renovated in a twenty-five-block perimeter around T&I. All of which will empty tomorrow. To an outsider it sounded like a lot, but most people tend to forget that Konoha isn't exactly a  _small_  Hidden Village. Kazuya summarizes it to be equivalent to about a quarter of Tokyo.

Konoha was  _big_.

Konoha can be seen as a small developing country, which explains the continual renovations being done. Civilians are constantly advancing towards the modern aspect of living.

If Kazuya weren't so high-strung in knowing everything there is about Konoha, he would have gotten lost at least five times while scouting the area. Besides, all Academy students were expected to know the layout of the village. The map of it was practically burned into their skulls at a young age. Well, to the people that listened during class that was.

He's certain Hotaru would have gotten lost twice.

Emerging from the shadows, Kazuya pockets his notebook (on which he wrote the addresses of their targets) and walks into a shinobi clothing shop. Upon entering he beelines for the darkest colours, filtering through black breathable t-shirts (They reminded him of the type he wore in the military. Thin, stretchy and easy to get blood stains out stains are such a pain), dark navy-blue Jōnin pants and black masks – ones that went up to your nose. Perfect for muffling sound. Walking up to the counter he hauls them onto the counter. The elderly shop owner doesn't even bat an eyelash. He was about to pay when bandages out the corner of his eye catches his attention.

Better safe than sorry.

"That's all, kid?"

He hands her the bandages.

"Wise choice."

His second stop was the news agency. Purchasing ink, a brush, and paper he was out in under two minutes.

When he arrives back at the Academy classroom, he's surprised (and a little petrified) to see Shikamaru, Chōji and Ino eating cake.

 _My dad's cake._ His mind supplies furiously.  _With my teammates._

Kazuya briefly wonders if he had stepped into the Twilight Zone. He had purposefully left dealing with the Nara to his teammates so he wouldn't have to talk to him.

Yet here he is.

Luckily Emi had hidden the floor plans to the T&I building, because if anyone can work out what they were up to, it would be Shikamaru.

Again, Kazuya simultaneously finds himself enying the Nara's intelligence and despising them because of it.

"Here he is!" huffs Emi from her spot on the floor besides a bored-looking Shikamaru.  _She must be_ really _happy with herself if she's smiling like a serial killer_.

Slowly, Kazuya walks towards them, placing the shopping bags on the nearest desk and flopping to the floor in-between Chōji and Hotaru.

"This is really good cake, Kazuya-san!" Chōji cheers between bites.

"…Thanks." Turning to Hotaru he asks, "Why are they here?"

"Don't be so rude, Hideo-san." Ino sniffs. "That's no way to treat a lady and frie - "

"Maa, you're not a lady, you're a Kunoichi. Big difference."

Her left eyelid twitches. And if she had sleeves he's certain she would have rolled them up.

"Why you - !"

"Tch. Woman stop making noise, Kazuya-san's always been like this. Don't act so surprised." Shikamaru plops his head hand, eyeing Kazuya half-lidded. Their eyes meet and in a second Shikamaru looks away. Jaw tight.

Kazuya eyes this reaction, extremely curious why that always happens.

"I heard from this lot that you wanna know about my uncle. Apparently he's your Jōnin sensei."

_...what._

Despite the chilly air he started to sweat in genuine frustration. Not at Shikamaru - for once - but at himself. For the sheer lack of information he had. He should have known that. He  _did_  know Shikamaru had an uncle, but that man's past -  _Shikari_  - was so tightly reigned in it took him months to even find out his name. Let alone his age.

31.

Well, Kazuya takes a breath. At least he knew now.

"Maa," he slips into his mask like satin, "we just needed to know who his brother is, that's all."

"Uh-huuh." Shikamaru nods slowly, mocking. Kazuya's lips twitch in amusement. This brat really didn't like him did he? "Yeah. Right.  _That's_  all you wanted to know. Very convincing."

"Hard to believe?" Hotaru scowls, taking offence on Kazuya's behalf.

Shikamaru doesn't even spare him a glance. "Well," he drawls, "yes."

"…Why?" Emi prompts him when nothing else is said.

"Use your own brain to figure out why this sounds so laughably dubious. Mine can't be bothered explaining." The boy lolls into a standing position – a feat only a Nara could do – and gives them a mock salute. "Good luck with Uncle Shikari. He's one troublesome man."

"…What does your father do, exactly?" Emi asks as the rest of Team 10 start to follow Shikamaru out the door.

The Nara pauses before calling over his shoulder. "He's the Jōnin Commander. Ja ne."

The door closes behind them and Kazuya's teammates sit in stupefied silence as they digest the bombshell Shikamaru dropped into their laps.

"What the shit?!" Hotaru bursts.

. ,

"Jōnin Commander _. Jōnin Commander._ Is Shikari-sensei trying to get us killed?" Hotaru moans, scratching his neck, head, chest – he was like an Inuzuka infested with fleas. "Why would a Jōnin Commander be in the T&I building anyways? Heck, where does the Jōnin Commander even  _work_?"

"Just when we've planned it all out, a new shitstorm blindsides us." Mutters Emi into her hands. Her cursing sent a shockwave of momentary silence into the room before she wails, "I've never even  _seen_  a Jōnin Command office when visiting Uncle Ibiki."

"It must be in there." Kazuya reassures. "Shikari-sensei wouldn't send us on a wild goose chase if it weren't. He's a Nara, he'd find it too troublesome." He leans forward to stare at the blueprints. "Anyways, we don't need to find his brother's office, we need to find his lunch and steal it."

"And frame someone for it." Hotaru drones.

"One problem at a time, Aburame-san." Examining the rough drawing laid out on the floor, he spots the cafeteria and points at it. "Here - this is where we want to go." At once his teammates huddle next to each other, creating a cocoon of warmth. On his left Emi's boyish haircut tickles his neck while Hotaru's black hair partly blinds his view. He blows the mane away with a single puff of air. "If we're lucky, we'll find his lunch in the fridge….there is a fridge in there right?"

"Yeap." Emi confirms tensely.

"Good, and if we're even luckier he'll have his name written on it. If not…" he pauses. Then puts on a show of giving a low, resigned,  _giggle_. "We seal the bloody thing."

"We steal…T&I's...fridge?" Emi stares at the wall opposite them, gaze unblinking.

On his right Hotaru goes limp, head landing on Kazuya's shoulder.

"Sure," he chokes back tears. "Why the fuck not? We're already blowing shit up might as well steal T&I's lunchbox."

That got Emi giggling slightly in hysteria. Frankly it unnerved Kazuya a little, she never giggles. Never looses composure.

 _To be fair, though, this test_ is _escalating a tad quickly._

" _If_." He decides to emphasize meaningfully in an attempt to calm them. " _If_  we can't find it. There's half a chance we won't."

"But half a chance we will." Hotaru whimpers into his shoulder.

There's a long, strangled pause. Emi and Hotaru gather their bearings.

Their reactions weren't nearly as bad was expecting them to be. What they were doing right now could very well be seen as treason. This can either make or break their shinobi career. Planting paper bombs, infiltrating high-profile buildings and stealing lunches.

All very nasty business.

_The reality of a shinobi is a hard one to swallow. Especially for children._

Taking long, calming breaths, Emi gazes down at her hands. Clenching them to stop shaking.

"This…is ridiculous." She says, voice hard.

"Our sensei's an asshole." Utters Hotaru, sitting up and staring miserably at the floor-plans.

"He's pushing us." Says Kazuya, running a hand through black locks. "Just like any other sensei should."

"Iruka – " Hotaru began weakly.

"Is a good sensei, but he didn't push us." Emi sighs, glancing at Hotaru with a frown. "Not nearly enough as he should have. He didn't prepare us for anything Shikari-sensei is making us do."

And yeah, Hotaru couldn't argue with that.

"How do we seal a fridge, exactly?" He asks instead.

Kazuya stares at him for a moment, smug.  _He's pushing himself out of his comfort zone. That's good._

"Like I said, a seal. A storage seal to be exact."

"And where do we get one of those?" asks Emi.

"My dad."

"Your dad has a lot of seals."

"Hmm, perks of the job." He considers and leans back.

"Is… is that it, then?" Emi asks uneasily when nobody else speaks.

"Is that it?" Hotaru barks out a laugh and begins to list things off with his fingers. "Paper bombs, infiltration, theft, fra…Oh. No….That's not it." He says guiltily. "We've got to frame someone."

"This mission is a train wreck."

"It's simple." Kazuya cocks his head with a slight smile.

_"That's fucking creepy."_

He ignores Hotaru, "If you take 'frame someone' out of context. All we need to do is buy a picture frame large enough to trap someone in."

Silence.

Hotaru helps himself to the last slice of cake while Emi tries not to scream.

"Either we're going to pass this or die." Hotaru says 'matter of factly', " _Horribly_."

"Thats the spirit." Kazuya drawls, earning twin looks of righteous fury.

. ,

 


	3. For a Genin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited: 17, December, 2017

 

"I'm dying." Hotaru hisses to Emi behind a hedge on a street corner. The sun was setting, painting the sky an ominous blood orange. It added an unwelcoming dramatic effect to the looming T&I building they were about to break into. The weather had finally cleared up, but there was this thick humidity in the air that had grown throughout the day.

"Stop whining, it isn't that bad." Emi says, discretely wiping sweat off her forehead. They were wearing black pants, black mesh and a black mask. All covered by a heavy, thick,  _black_ , cloak.

To say the least, their layers weren't agreeing with the sunny change in weather.

"I hate this." Hotaru fans himself. Pulling at his mask. "I seriously hate this. Where's the frea – Hideo-san? He should be here by now."

"He said he had to pick up the frame." He winces. "This is such a bad idea."

"Too late to change now." She clips harshly. "God, how does uncle Ibiki survive in this cloak? It's like a sauna."

"Oo _ohh_ you hypocrite."

"Guys," a voice whispers behind them making the two almost nosedive into the hedge from shock. "Now's not the time to start fighting." Whirling, they spot what they presume to be Kazuya – it's hard to identify who the dark blob is - scuttling over to them through the shadows.

"We weren't." Hotaru weakly defends. Kazuya's blue eyes peek at him amongst the gloom. "It was a tiny argument."

"Hmph."

"Are we ready?" Emi inquires anxiously. She wasn't sure if she was excited or nervous, all she knew was that if she had to wait any longer her heart was going to give out.

Kazuya nods and gives Hotaru a stern look. "Remember to blow the shops up in ten second intervals. We want to keep them on their toes."

"Duh."

At his exasperated look Hotaru apologizes and nods seriously. Remembering his attitude wasn't welcomed or professional during missions.

"Everyone ready?" Kazuya checks.

"Hai!"

"Hai."

"Alright then," he cocks his head. "Let's show Shikari-sensei what we're made of."

. ,

Umino Iruka, to put it plainly, was proud.

"You're a proper Genin now, eh?" He grins at Naruto, who was busy slurping away his sixth bowl of ramen.

"Yeah! One step closer to being Hokage - you better believe it! Kakashi-sensei might be a lazy ass but I'll get him to teach me some super cool jutsus. Even if I have to pummel it outta him! Believe it!" Naruto beams enthusiastically around a mouthful of noodles, accidentally spitting some in Iruka's face. But Iruka couldn't be mad, not when he saw how Naruto's eyes glisten at the reminder of him accomplishing something other than an elaborate prank. So instead he wipes his face with a napkin and pats his student –  _ex_ -student's head.

"I'm proud of you, Naruto." There's a silent pause.

He see's it coming and lets it happen. Iruka's tackled off his chair and finds himself sitting on the ground with an armful of an orange jumpsuit. He plays ignorant to the wet patch growing steadily on his chest and the little ragged breaths Naruto takes in-between 'thank you's. Gently, Iruka continues to pat Naruto's golden head of hair, glaring menacingly at passer-byers left on the street to dare look and scorn them.

 _Pigheaded idiots._ Iruka thinks heatedly, unconsciously tugging Naruto closer to him.  _I don't care if you're a Genin now Naruto, I'll always protect you._

When they part Iruka trudges along home, feeling suddenly tired despite it still being early. Blearily, he looks towards the orange sky, signaling sunset. He stands there for a short moment, feeling oddly at peace with the world as a cool breeze softly kisses him. The sound of the Hashirama trees swaying, wood chimes singing, and the quiet deserted street.

How he loved his village.

  
Taking a step he falters when spotting a shadow streak across the rooftops.

 _ANBU?_ He thinks, trying to settle that uneasy feeling beginning to grow in his stomach.  _Just a regular shinobi like myself. Probably returning from a mission and eager to get home._ Iruka knew it was silly, shadows move all the time in shinobi villages.

Then why does this one in particular provoke his more violent instincts? ... _Maybe it's Kakashi_?

Iruka shakes his head and heads home.

 _Although_...

Iruka winces.

_Whoever you are I'm sorry – you might be a nice guy but right now you're acting like a real suspicious bastard that deserves tailing._

He takes to the rooftops and shadows the shadow.  _Hah_.

  
The cloaked person doesn't seem to notice him and continues to move swiftly. It only takes Iruka a minute or two gouging the unknown shinobi's skills to realize four things.

One, this person's below Chūnin if they haven't been able to sense him yet.

Two, he recognizes that cloak. Anybody in Konoha with a semblance of self-preservation knows who that cloak belongs to.

Three, he recognizes that chakra control – mainly because he's the one who taught it.

And four, this person's Aburame Hotaru.

... _Why is Hotaru-kun skulking around Konoha in Morino Ibiki's coat?_ Iruka giggles nervously. A part of him – a very big part, did not want to know.

Then he sees Hotaru slip on a roof tile and topple over the edge.

  
A startled "Uh oh!" is the last thing he hears as Hotaru swan dives from sight.

  
Iruka stops dead for a second and hears what sounds like someone landing in a dumpster.

Iruka pelts across the rooftop and drops down into the alleyway he saw Hotaru fall in. "Hotaru- kun! Are you alright?" He rushes over with fretting hands to the figure lying spread eagle on the head of a garbage bin. Looking a bit dazed and very much horrified...?

There's a sheepish "Oops" then shops around them explode in a flood of flames. A sonic boom almost blows him off his feet as the shop nearest to them disappears in a flush of heat.

Iruka's too horrified by the sight of his home street ablaze to notice Hotaru's hastily retreating back muttering "Oh shit oh shit oh shit ohshit _ohshitohshit_."

. ,

"That idiot!" Emi whispers as she see's  _every bomb_ in Konoha go off. "What happened to the ten second interval?"

"It seems that plan's blown up in our faces." Emi gives Kazuya a very blank stare.

"Anyway, look they're leaving the building." Kazuya points at the shadows zipping out of the T&I building like busy bees. "No time like the present."

"Lets infiltrate T&I." 

"Yes," he nods, "lets."

. ,

High Chūnin Yuri sat at the table in a kind of distraught, frozen horror.

He was a rather lumbering young man. Standing around six foot and having the circumference of a large watermelon for a head. Civilians and sadly some comrades were afraid of him - even his sensei's got a bit twitchy when he scowled. This, he belatedly realized, was why they recommended him for Torture and Interrogation. After all, his eyes can make a grown man sweat - a talent regularly sought after in the torture department.

Horrible,  _horrible_ mistake on their part.

  
Alas, despite everyone's insistence on High Chūnin Yuri being a cold-hearted bastard that ate children's souls for breakfast...he liked puppies.

High Chūnin Yuri liked long walks in the park, liked holding his boyfriend's hand during romance movies, liked  _cuddles_ and after a tiresome day, a bubble bath.

  
He did  _not_ like ghost stories, blood, unnecessary violence and heavens, God help him the Head of T&I.

He became a shinobi to protect people, not torture them.

 _Irony is a cruel woman_.

Around him people mosey in and out of canteen, sparing him a glance and muttering, "Rookies" with a shake of the head.

Opposite him his partner of little more than a day stares guilelessly. As though he had no part to play for his motionless distress.

"This is the wrong career for you, I'm certain."

  
High Chūnin Yuri makes a kind of vague noise of agreement, not completely there in the head.

"There are plenty other jobs out there for you. Cushiony ones, I'm sure, which will fit you nicely." High Chūnin Yuri's chipmunk eyes hone in on his partner's hand that was gently patting his. The same hand that had, not moments ago, been peeling toenails off a screaming nuke-nin. "Trust me, if you can't handle watching me pull out toenails. Then you  _really_ can't handle me cutting off fingers."

High Chūnin Yuri went white.

The man slaps a hand against his shoulder, causing him to mimick humpty dumpty and sway back and forth in his chair. "I think you ought to change vocations, otherwise the Shadows won't be very pleased with you."

 _Shadows_? High Chūnin Yuri thinks, suddenly feeling a profound sense of doom.

A man drops into the seat besides him, waving a dramatic finger. High Chūnin Yuri's eyes follow the bloodied digit fearfully. "Aye,  _The Shadows_." His voice breathes, notably tense and drama-filled. "They come after the weak ones. Said to be the spirits of T &I's founders. They don't like hopeless shinobi working for their legacy."

His partner gives a concerned look. "If you don't leave they might come after you."

The man nods earnestly, "You might very well die if you stay." "They'll peel off your skin."

"Layer by layer."

"Cut off your balls."

"Layer  _by_ layer."

"Gouge out your eyes."

" _Layer_ by  _layer_."

"Cut off your tongue."

"Layer. By. Layer."

"Then leave you stranded on the streets."

" _Naked_."

"Shamed."

" _Humiliated_."

"Hopeless."

" _Terrified!_ "

"Your family won't speak to you."

"Your boyfriend will  _dump_ you."

"In the end you'll kill yourself."

"Nobody will blame you, of course. In a way it's a mercy killing."

They stare at him compassionately.

High Chūnin Yuri makes a strangled choking sound.  _Ghosts!_ His mind rings in alarm.  _Ghosts haunt this place! And they hate me!_

The man pats his shoulder, acting oblivious to his plight. "Aye, kid. You gotta either ship up or ship out. I recommend ship out."

His partner nods in agreement.

High Chūnin Yuri, in a word, frets.

Then the walls suddenly shake and his day only gets worse.

"We're under attack!"

There's a flurry of action and seconds later, High Chūnin Yuri's alone. He slumps over, head slapping the table and letting out a low moan of defeat.

 _Ghosts!_ His mind repeatedly yells.  _Ghosts!_

He doesn't know how long he sits there for but the walls continue to shake and he  _knows_ he should be out there helping his comrades but his mind is stuck in a distressing loop.

_Ghosts!_

_Ghosts!_

An eerie figure plunges itself from the ceiling, landing on his table with a loud  _thwack_. "Ow."

High Chūnin Yuri lets out a wailing scream that screams on and on until it becomes a white deafening noise. The shadowy figure clutches its ears, flailing around like a bunny and making blind little kicking motions to the person responsible for their pain. A foot manages to strike his trachea, abruptly silencing him and inducing a violent coughing fit. He topples back in his chair, slamming to the ground and scrambling away like a cockroach from the sunlight.

"Away, Shadows!" he rasps, swooshing his hands in defense. "Awaa _aaay_!"

"The shit?" He manages to hear through the ringing in his ears. The shadowy figure is standing now, rubbing their rear from the fall and staring at him in genuine bewilderment.

High Chūnin Yuri, finally able to get a good look at his torturer, balks in alarm. A small petite figure, covered head to tow in black, wearing –  _Oh my God no no nonono_ – Morino Ibiki's cloak. Against his will his mind connects the two most intensely terrifying things to him on the planet and he starts sweating profusely.

"Oh..." some kind of realization flashes in its beady little eyes and with a swift flick a kunai appears in hand. "I don't want to hurt you- _pfft_ , not like I can you work with my Uncle who is the scariest person on the plan- "

Through selective hearing he makes out the words "Hurt" and "You", which, really, in his situation was not ideal.

" _They'll peel off your skin."_ " _Cut off your balls." "Gouge out your eyes." "Cut off your tongue."_

_G H O S T S !_

High Chūnin Yuri seizes the exit so quickly he looses his footing and smacks full speed into a wall.

Before succumbing to oblivion, the last thing he hears is a young voice ask: "Oh my  _God_ , what the Hell was  _that_!?"

Answered by a severely rude comment: "Incompetence."

. ,

Shikari stares at the explosions going off in a sort of detached sense of dread. Call it a wild guess but he had an absolutely ironic suspicion on who was responsible. Three who's to be exact.

_My Genin are insane._

"Uncle Shikari, what's going on?" Ino, his Godson's teammate questions him. Eyes wide in panic.

"What do you think, Shikari-san?" Asuma asks from his left, planting himself in-between the destruction and his genin team.

Shikamaru is giving him a look that screams 'you know something you troublesome bastard'.  _I sometimes hate how frustratingly observant he is_.

"What do I think?" Shikari repeats, squinting into the distance, spotting a black figure speedily approaching with identical ones on his heels. Something awful told him he knew who that was. "I think we're about to find out what's going on."

"Shikari..." Shikamaru begins, following his line of sight and wincing. Possibly in sympathy. "Don't tell me that is who I think it is."

Ino glowers. "Why do I feel like I'm the odd one out on an important secret?"

The black shadowy figure appears to throw something at the others and Shikari feels like bashing his head against something solid as more explosions rock the earth. Black shadowy figures fly through the air on fire.

Asuma almost inhales his cigarette as he catches on. "Shikari-san, what have you done?!" He wails.

"You can't prove anything."

  
"What sort of test did you give them!"

"Nobody can prove that's my Genin."

Just then the shadowy figure comes into view, dust flying up after him in haste as what appears to be ANBU chasing him like a pack of angry demons. Part of Hotaru's face comes into existence as he legs it towards him, absently tossing paper bombs like confetti.

"SHIIIKAAAARRRIIIII-SEEENSEEEEIIIII HEEEEEELP MEEEEE!" Shikari groans in horror when Hotaru springs to him for safety.

 _Nope_ , Shikri thinks and ruthlessly slams his leg out. Hotaru's surprised expression is the last thing he sees before he's sent flying.

Literally.

  
Shikari waves at his slowly disappearing form.

. ,

The next thing High Chūnin Yuri knows is that he's waking up and there's a stiffness in his arms. He goes to stretch only, he can't.

"What?" he croaks, for some odd reason finding his voice not working properly. Blinking, High Chūnin Yuri rolls into a sitting position and immediately finds himself staring up at numerous faces of his comrades. They're singed and breathless and _extremely_ pissed.

"What, the  _fuck_ , Yuri?" His partner – whose eyebrows appear to be missing– hisses vehemently. " _Why_ are you inside an old woman's portrait? And sleeping on the job?!"

"The-the Shadows!"

For the second time that day he's thrown into oblivion, this time by a furious, eyebrow-less partner.

. ,

Kazuya, Emi and Hotaru stand before the Sandaime Hokage. Heads bowed like the misbehaving children they were.

Shikari stares at the three of them, seemingly at a total loss on words to describing how badly they had fucked up.

"You three fucked up."

Okay, maybe it wasn't so hard to describe.

"I am..." Shikari drawls and Kazuya grits his teeth, preparing for a tongue-lashing. "... Impressed."

Everyone collectively blinks.

Seizing a stack of papers, the Sandaime chucks it at the smirking Nara. Shikari lets them flutter around him in an air of apathy.

"Impressed?" The Hokage fumes. Almost levitating in his chair from anger. " _Impressed_? They blew up shops, Shikari-san. Shops! When I looked out my window to admire the sunset three hours ago, I saw multiple  _explosions_. Do you know what I thought, Shikari-san? Do you know?"

"That the smoke blended well against the orange sky?"

Shikarai doesn't flinch when his face is introduced to a new stack of papers.

"I thought we were being invaded!" The Sandaime practically yells. "I thought another Shinobi War was about to begin, starting with the Leaf! We're lucky Hotaru-san is talented in fire jutsus and evading. If he weren't, somebody could have very well died!"

Hotaru practically glows from the praise. "Thank you, Hokage-sama!"  
"That is not a compliment!" The Sandime glowers and Hotaru fades into Kazuya's side in shame.

"In his defence, nobody died." Shikari inputs helpfully, feeling a bit guilty for drop-kicking his student.

"Nobody  _had_ to die in the first place! That wasn't even an option! You blew up – "He falls short, turning to one of the many singed ANBU in the room "How many shops did he blow up?"

"Thirty-three."

"Thirty-three _._ " He deadpans in horror, then pauses, then shoots to his feet demanding of the ANBU, "How did a single  _Genin_ managed to blow up thirty three shops without you noticing anything beforehand?!"

"Security appears to be getting a little lax." Shikari offhandedly remarks. Playing guiltless under another stack of papers.

ANBU shuffle awkwardly as their Hogake gives them a glare that could rival a very irate bull. "They," one coughs, causing ash to float from her shoulders. "They caught us by surprise, sir."

All the Hokage could do is stare while Shikari chuckles. "I thought it was supposed to be the other way round?"

"Nara Shikari, do shut up. I'm rapidly running out of papers along with patience. So do be warned, the next thing I might throw at you might be a jutsu."

Shikari quickly shuts up.

Sighing, the Third sits down to massage his temples. "Shikari-san."

"Hmm?"

"All the money Team Nine earns from missions will go towards the repairs for the shops they blew up. And will continue doing so until their debt is paid."

"Fair enough."

Team Nine nod in resignation.

Then freezes.

"You mean..." Emi trails off with bambi eyes.

For the first time since they entered the office, the Sandaime's expression softens. And Kazuya get's the feeling he shouldn't be so terrified, it's only a smile, but then he thinks.

And then he realizes.

 _The smile's a tactic._ His insides freeze and Kazuya forces himself to remain outwardly calm.  _It's kindness and geniality makes you underestimate him. Makes you lower your guard. Makes you susceptible to relaxing in his presence and revealing things about yourself you desire to keep hidden. This man is considered to be the God of Shinobi in the Leaf. Underestimating him because of his old age is an oversight I'm certain many pay the price for. And one I won't replicate._

"Yes," the Sandaime nods, sharing a short mutual look with Shikari. "It would be a fool's error to not pass you after your rather..." he gives them an extremely strained smile, "flamboyant performance in Shikari-san's test."

"But we failed." Says Emi.

"You could say we blew it." Mutters Hotaru.

"Hmmm," Shikari idly scratches his cheek, "I honestly never expected you to achieve the task I handed you. What kind of Genin could infiltrate T&I?"

Horatu blinks with a dumbstruck expression. "Eh?"

"...So you never expected to pass us in the first place." Emi states wearily, thinking back to what Kazuya had said yesterday and feeling her gut clench in anger.

" _Aburame-san, I don't know if you've noticed by now, but our Sensei has given us an impossible mission to accomplish. As though he's expecting us to fail."_

"Naah," Shikari waves dismissively. "The purpose of the mission I gave you was to test your

skills in infiltration, information gathering and teamwork. It was a test to see if you're worthy of being my students."

"How did we do?" Kazuya finally speaks. Shikari's interrupted by the Sandaime's cough who gives a pointed glare.

"Aah." Shikari makes 'shooing' gestures as he herds them towards the door. Kazuya was all too happy in complying and made a conscious effort to not leg it out the room.

 _Well, this was fun_ , he thought,  _let's never see each other again._

"I'll explain outside. Hokage-sama needs to scold his inept ANBU and Jōnin."

As team nine leave they try to feint ignorance at how Shikari is suddenly the subject of multiple death glares. Just halfway through the door, Sandaime calls: "Remember to return T&I's fridge while you're leaving!"

Hotaru trips over his footing.

  
"Wait, you guys actually did that?!"

  
He's met with guilty silence and Shikari's laughter.

. ,

They decide to get dinner.

"I feel like ramen." Hotaru grins as they walk out Hokage tower, wrangling the mask down so it limps around his neck. "God this thing itches.

"Maa," Kazuya sighs, staring bleakly in front of him. "I don't think we can get ramen."

"Eh? Why n - oh.  _Ohhh_."

Team Nine stare at the chaos.

Fire burning in the distance, civilians sharing furious conversations, and shinobi trying to keep the peace but end up getting savagely poked with a walking stick.

"What type of Genin do you train these days?!" An old woman crows at the mortified shinobi. Shikari eyes his students wearily, "Why don't we have dinner at my place? Hmm?"

Kazuya thinks about it.

 _Do I really want to enter the Nara Clan? That's full of geniuses? No. No I do not_.

"Sorry, sensei." He shrugs. "But my dad's expecting me home, so..." Shrugs again.

"Ah, no problems." Nods Shikari. "We'll just have dinner at your place then."

Kazuya looks at him blankly for a moment, reluctantly letting Shikari lug an arm across his shoulders and tug him in the direction of his father's shop.

"O-oh, we're meeting Kazuya's dad?" Hotaru asks apprehensively. Imagining a large sad-faced man, who speaks in threatening tones and likes to kick people's spirits down for fun. "Problem?" Smirks Emi.

"No!" Hotaru denies quickly. Trudging along like a man to his noose. "I just didn't realize we we're introducing ourselves to each other's families so soon."

Emi scowls. "Don't make it sound so romantic, pyro."

Hotaru frowns along with Shikari, Kazuya just seemed to be in a mini-mental breakdown.

_They're meeting my dad they're meeting my dad they're meeting my dad. A Nara is invading my home._

"Pyro?" Shikari asks and Emi smiles slyly.

"Well, he  _is_ a pyromaniac. A decent nickname, no?"

"Aah, that's reasonable."

"I am  _not_ a pyromaniac!" Hotaru moans loudly as they walk past multiple shops he blew up.

. ,

"This is nice." His father, Hideo Ryo comments joyously as they prepare dinner. Curly brown hair bobbing as he merrily stirred the rice. Kazuya couldn't hold back his scowl, which was regrettably visible now team nine had rid themselves of their masks and coats.

The apartment Kazuya and his young father resided in was reasonably big compared to others in Konoha and was conveniently perched just above the bookshop. So it was a relief that Kazuya's teammates and sensei were out of earshot in the next room so he could complain about how wrong his father was.

This was not nice.

Kazuya likes his privacy; he likes not having people over. This was an invasion. He's lost a safe space.

 _I am not letting them anywhere else inside the house. Especially my room._ "No, it's not." He tries not to hiss at Ryo. 

A hand places itself on his and Kazuya refuses to meet his father's eyes. "Kazuya," Ryo says in a soft voice, "please, look at me."

"No."

"Kazuya." He reaches another hand out but Kazuya slaps it away,

 _Shikari will find something out_ , he thinks, knowing a house reflects the person in it. _And they'll take me away. Take me away from Dad._

His thinking was inane and childish. The adult part knew that. The adult part was screaming at him how stupid he was. This wasn't the control of a government assassin.

This was the control of a prepubescent hormonal kid with Antisocial Personality Disorder. A disastrous concoction.

The anger happens so quickly it almost scares him.

A pure, dark rage boils inside. Like lava waiting to burst out of a volcano.  _How dare_ _they._ How dare they threaten his family.

_I have knowledge that can **ruin** their world far beyond their puny capabilities. They think I'm a child, they underestimate me. I've lived through war with machines, I've seen death and slept next to it, I've been reborn and stolen secrets they don't even know about. I know the future, I know science - I can replicate bombs that would destroy their beloved village with the press of a button. I can manufacture machine guns and tanks if I want to. If they think they can take my father away from me then they'll be looking at the destruction of the Leaf. I won't let them -_

"Kazuya!" His father snaps at him, and Kazuya has to take a step back as he's pulled from his thoughts.

Christ.

Kazuya takes deep and measured breaths before meeting Ryo's eyes. "It's okay." Ryo gives him an understanding, and somewhat strained smile. Crows feet creasing together, making him appear older than he was. "I know you don't exactly...like people."

Kazuya doesn't correct him, too busy pushing down that rage simmering beneath his skin. 

"And hey!" he cheers, shaking Kazuya gently by the shoulders. "This is a good thing. You've got a team," as an afterthought he adds, "an odd one, but you're odd so it's all rather fitting isn't it?"

Kazuya snorts and goes back to cutting up potatoes.

"I've got to ask though..."

"Hmm?"

"What happened to my mother's portrait?"

Kazuya pauses. He had hoped Ryo wouldn't have noticed. After all it wasn't a very...flattering portrait. They both hated it, never paid it a peace of mind...Kazuya hopes his father will forgive him.

"Maa..." He shrugs, giving a difficult smile. "I caught a Chūnin with it."

"You – what?!" Ryo splutters.

. ,

It was during dinner that his father got the full story on team nine's mission.

Understandably, he was speechless.

"All the explosions today were you three?" He flounders for a second at their sheepish expressions. As though blowing up shops were something to be sheepish about. The man nods slowly, trying to remind himself that this was shinobi and one should never expect appropriate responses to things like...blowing up shops. "I don't know whether to be impressed or terrified."

"We'd rather you'd be impressed." Emi offers helpfully.

"Alright then." He nods. "I'm impressed." Ryo turns to his son with a proud smile. "I'm impressed."

Kazuya looks pleased as punch.

"But...poor mother."

"Poor Chūnin." Snorts Hotaru, piling rice into his mouth.

Emi sulks. "He deserved it. The man was screaming about some Shadows."

"We're lucky he was a pitiful Chūnin instead of a good one." Kazuya adds, picking at his mackerel. "If he was good then we wouldn't have been able to frame him and steal T&I's fridge."

"Which you three have to return tomorrow." Shikari touches on, greedily eating his fish. "This is a wonderful dinner, Hideo-san."

His father puffs up at the praise. "Thank you, Nara-san and please, call my Ryo-kun. Now that you're taking care of my son's welfare and studies in shinobi arts, we should be more familiar. Ne?"

 _Christ no._ Kazuya thinks in disgust. The thought of Shikari coming over for regular dinners makes his stomach turn. Ryo was _his_  father. After spending two days with Shikari he can tell the other man wouldn't treat his father the way he deserves to be.

"In that case call me Shikari-kun, Ryo-kun." Smiles the Nara, eyeing Kazuya cheekily. As though he could sense his plight and was enjoying it immensely.

"If we're all being familiar," Hotaru says slowly, leaning towards his teammates with an extremely awkward smile. "Then you two should start learning to call me Hotaru-kun."

Kazuya gives a, "hn" and drops some food into his mouth.

Hotaru pouts.

"Ignore him, Hotaru-kun." Emi saves the atmosphere by responding with a smile. "Kazuya-kun's wildly unaware on how to respond to these sensitive type of things." Quickly she adds. "No offense, Hideo-san!"

His father surprisingly laughs, giving Kazuya an understanding look - one the assassin in a child's body squints at in confusion.

"Heh, none taken. Please, don't be offended Hotaru-kun." He consoles the boy. "Once you get to know my son you discover that he's actually quite emotional, it's just that he doesn't know how to handle those emotions in a...normal manner." Ryo gives Kazuya an encouraging stare. "Isn't that right, Kazuya, you like your team. Don't you?"

They turn towards said person expectantly.

"...What?" Everyone sighs.

. ,

They continue chatting on about random things as they finish dinner.

When everyone appears to be done, Ryo stands with a mischievous smile. "I'll go prepare the cake, it should be done baking in the oven by now."

Hotaru's eyes practically dazzle as he watches Ryo leave the room. "I love your dad."

Kazuya puffs up like a proud peacock, giving Hotaru a stare that says 'you should because if you didn't I'd have to reevaluate your intelligence'.

"Now that we're alone," Shikari leans in, lacing fingers under his chin. "Let's finish what we started in the Hokage's office, hmm?"

His students nod.

"First though," he starts, eyeing them closely. "I'd like to hear what your original plan was, how you could have executed it better as a team, and personal mistakes you made."

It was Emi who spoke first. "The plan was to distract T&I by misdirecting them with explosions and false information on an invasion while Kazuya-kun and I infiltrate the building. Hotaru-kun were to set off explosions with ten seconds intervals to keep Konoha on her toes and buy us more time. When locating your brother's lunch in the canteen we were to seal it in Kazuya-kun's containment scroll and exit the building. Once outside we were to choose a random person on the street and...frame them with Kazuya-kun's grandmother's portrait. Our randevú..." She turns to Kazuys who nods at her pronunciation of the odd word he used this morning, "point was to be Dorairīfu." She hesitated, thinking. "For a first mission without Shikari-sensei's guidance, I believe our teamwork was good."

Shikari slowly nods. "Hmm, you're right. When I left the teashop yesterday I had low hopes for you working effectively together. Emi-chan, Hotaru-kun," he eyes them, baffled, "when I left, you two were at each others throats. What happened?"

The two flush in shame, but also pride.

"Well," Hotaru scratches the back of his neck. "Once we realized the gravity of the situation, we found fighting each other silly."

"That's good." Shikari stresses. "I have witnessed countless Genin teams fail in grasping that sentiment, go out on missions and to come back with one less member."

Hotaru goes white.

"Exactly. Now, what were the mistakes you made individually?"

Emi sighs. "I got caught because I couldn't completely suppress my chakra, hide proficiently and stay silent."

"I...fell off a roof." Hotaru goes scarlet at his teammate's incredulous looks. "When I fell I accidentally ignited  _all_ the paper bombs with the loss of control in my chakra. So, I guess I need to work on my chakra control in high-intensity situations and stealth because..." He sighs miserably. "Iruka-sensei caught me. Then another Chūnin caught me, apparently a sensor of all people and recognized my chakra signature as the one that ignited all the paper bombs. The Chūnin then shouted to the  _high heavens_ that it was  _me_ who was leading the invasion. So naturally everyone heard that and then  _anbu_ came along, resulting in a high-speed chase throughout Konoha. Then I made the mistake of throwing everything I had at them. That included some backup paper bombs so I kind of...blew up ANBU."

Kazuya could only blink, while a high-pitched snort escapes Emi's clenched lips. Shikari didn't bother holding back a smile. He was enjoying this.

"Mmm, yes, Hotaru-kun I know. I saw you fleeing. You even waved hi."

Emi barks out a laugh so loud it rings.

"You-you  _poor child_!"

"I was getting chased by  _ANBU_! I was so dang terrified I almost crapped my pants. I mean, this was absolutely the worst thing that could have happened. The  _worst_." He whirls to Shikari with a scowl so fierce their sensei balks. "I did  _not_ wave 'hi' I shouted at you to  _help_ for God's sake!  _You_ were the one who waved  _goodbye_! Why would I stop and greet someone when  _ANBU's_ lapping at my heels like a pack of starved wolves? Why-how does that even make  _sense_? You drop kicked me sensei! Drop. Kicked.  _Me_! Then waved goodbye as I was disappearing into the sunset!"

This was apparently the last straw for Emi as she began to giggle hysterically, pointing a condemning finger at Shikari.

"Hmmm," Shikari cocks his head then 'ahhs'. "Oh yeah. You did shout for help."

Hotaru turns to Kazuya. " _'Oh yeah'_ , he says. ' _Oh yeah_.'"

"Hn."

"Not even a smile?" Hotaru asks blithely. "Not even a little?"

Kazuya shrugs.

"So cold." Mutters Emi, taking gasps of breath to calm herself down.

"Hmm, what about you then Kazuya?" Asks Shikari. "Made any conscious mistakes during the mission?"

"Maa," Kazuya pretends to consider, scratching his cheek. "Emi and I were caught the moment we tried escaping T&I. So I consider this to be a testimony to my lack of proper experience and aptitude in stealth and infiltration. Getting in was easy, but getting out, however, was hard."

"Hmm." Shikari nods. "I agree with you there. It seems like you three thought getting out would be the easy part, thus you didn't plan appropriately for escaping." He gives them a dry look. "Take this failure as a lesson - as you should always do in life - that if you plan in entering, you should also plan in exiting. Just like in an algebra equation: do onto one side of an equation as you do onto the other side. Leave no stones untouched when planning an escape."

Kazuya presses down a smile.

_I already know all of this brat._

"Any personal mistakes, though Kazuya?"

"Getting caught was a personal mistake."

There's a pause, "Okay."

Well now, Kazuya certainly didn't like that tone. His amusement coming to a slow halt.

"Now that we've briefly reviewed ourselves. Let me get into explaining other options you could have made use of when infiltrating. A plan far easier than this complicated mess you managed to create."

Kazuya nodded, agreeing but somehow feeling agitated for it being so casually stated.

"To be fair though," Shikari placates at their indignant expressions. "You are Genin, I wasn't expecting something Jōnin worthy."

 _You are Genin_ Kazuya mentally repeats. Insides itching for no sensible reason.

"For instance, Emi could have infiltrated T&I herself."

 _I know_ , Kazuya wanted to say.

"She's certainly a familiar face there, so nobody would have questioned her presence. Emi could have infiltrated in several ways. She could have gone in as wanting to introduce her new Genin team to 'Uncle Ibiki' – oh don't look so surprised, of course I know your relations to the Head of T&I. Why else would I have made that horrid place the focal point of your mission?" A shark like grin spreads on Shikari's face.

 _I know,_ Kazuya wanted to slice that smug expression off his face with a knife.

"Aah, yes. I  _am_ a Nara, my little students, I don't plan without some groundwork. Back to other options anyway, yes. Emi, instead of going in alone - which she could have also done and finished half the mission by herself in stealing my brother's lunch - but she could have also done it with you two. Either way would have worked and caused far less mayhem and destruction for the Leaf. Again, I am a Nara. Us folk like to find the simplest and laziest ways in completing missions. Something I dearly hope I pass onto you three before you graduate to Chūnin. I don't think the Leaf will survive otherwise. I mean blowing up shops as a way of distraction? Call me old fashioned but isn't that a little extreme? There were so many other options available, my little students! You could have insulted the guards on duty, leading to a jutsu stand off. You could have unleashed a herd of insects upon them as a distraction–  _don't_ give me that look Aburame, I  _know_ your Clan taught you techniques that don't require you to be the hosts body."

Kazuya gives the terrified looking Hotaru a long, cold stare.  _That_  he didn't know. Clans and their tight lips. Such a hindrance. 

"As I'm saying, my little students." Shikari stares at them through perpetual half-lidded eyes. "There were far less complicating options available. You just needed to find them."

"But-but sensei..." Emi gapes. "We brainstormed!"

"And I'm not doubting it." Shikari snorts bitterly. "Your plan was good, but not great. It had holes."

"Like?" Kazuya inquires, feeling a sudden, perverse joy at wondering whether Shikari's noticed the holes he left behind.

"The escaping part as I mentioned before, also the inexperience,"  _I have plenty brat._  "There's also the fact that you were actually caught the moment you entered the air vents." Shikari says offhandedly, eyeing them. "You didn't think it was actually that simple to infiltrate T&I, right? The place where we keep all the missing- nin, traitors,  _dangerous shinobi_?"

"What?" 

_You noticed._

Shikari sends him a disbelieving look. "Kazuya-kun," he says in genuine seriousness. "You think I'd let a  _new Genin team_ infiltrate a high-profile building without a little heads up to the boss? You think I'd let you three do something so incredibly dangerous?"

"You mean," Kazuya says for his teammates benefits. "We were tricked?"

"In a way."

"When were we spotted?"

"A Hyūga spotted you before entering the air vents."

_Makes sense._

"After that?"

"Seals activated  _in_ the air vents sending warning signals to the Hokage's office, ANBU building, and other high-profile people."

Huh.

"After  _that_?" he presses, growing more curious.

"More Hyūga and chakra sensitive guards inside the building securing threats to the Village spotted you seconds later."

"After – "

"There are numerous instances following in your presence being spotted, Kazuya-kun." Shikari tells him gently but firmly. Kazuya briefly mourns not being able to get more details on the building but concedes with what he got. Not many 'genin' can say that can say that. "I told Ibiki-san to go easy on you lot, after all you are Genin. All I'm saying, your plan was good, but had holes. Big ones.".

"After you've pointed these things out, Shikari-sensei..." Emi begins, looking a lot less cheerful. "Why have you accepted us as your Genin team? It sounds like we were so..."

"Rash. Arrogant. Childish. Weak." Hotaru ticks off.

"Yeah. That." Emi nods lamely.

"Because," Shikari smiles at them, "you all achieved something so much greater than the accomplishment of infiltrating T&I."

"Like what?" Kazuya asks.

"Understanding."

"...was supposed to sound philosophical?" Emi asks after a very awkward spec of silence.

Shikari nods. "Well, yes."

Hotaru shakes his head. "Dude, no."

"Point being," Shikari rallies on. "You three gained a valuable understanding on how missions work, what appropriate behavior in needed, and most of all, teamwork. You three worked almost flawlessly as you gathered intelligence and executed your plan. You show immense promise as being an excellent shinobi team, and proved it today."

"But the things you pointed out – "

"Are expected for Genin." Shikari snots. "You only just graduated from the Academy, kids. Even High Level Chūnins can't infiltrate that place, let along the average Jōnin."

"What Jōnin can infiltrate T&I?" Asks Emi.

Shikari considers. "Hmm, I'd say Hatake Kakashi."

Kazuya's eye twitches at the Main Character name. 

"Aah, right then." Shikari claps. "Do you all get my point?"

"Um," Hotaru starts helplessly. "No? Kind of? Yes? There were many points stabbing my pride I kind of lost track."

"To be fair, sensei." Emi begins, eyes giving a far away look as her brain tries to catch up with the amount of information having dumped onto her. "You caught us off guard with the last couple of bits, so it's taking a while to process and understand what your point was."

"I don't think he even had one to begin with. Just made it up as he went along." Kazuya opts.

"Oh, don't I?" Shikari asks downright cheekily. "Well then, never mind."

His students gave him a look that's torn between righteous fury and begrudging humor.

They settle on cursing him instead.

"Sensei that's mean!"

"You bastard!"

"Just die."

Shikari laughs at them, eyes glittering as he thinks that maybe having Genin team won't be as bad as he originally thought. It felt nice teasing chibi shinobi.

"Does anybody have some room left for cake?" Ryo asks as he enters the scene, staring in bewilderment at three twelve-year olds cursing their sensei. "Did I miss something important?"

The three pause and stare up at him, chagrined but also indignant.

"He's a lying liar that lies!" Hotaru cries.

"He's a shinobi, Hotaru-kun" Ryo says at the same time Shikari snorts out: "I'm a shinobi." The two stare at each other, Shikari eyeing him considerately and all Kazuya can think is.

_Please. For all that is holy. Don't be friends._

. ,

It's almost eleven when everyone decides to pack it in. Hotaru was yawning and complaining about his sore muscles while Emi kept telling him to shut up.

"Alright, I'll drop you two off on the way home," Shikari grumbles, herding his two Genin out the door.

"See ya tomorrow Kazuya-kun!" Hotaru yells as Emi waves.

"Goodnight, Kazuya-kun."

"Hmm." He nods at them.

"Lovely meal, Ryo-kun," Shikari shakes his father's hand. "Sorry for barging in without an invitation."

"No, no," Ryo waves off. "I would have invited you all over anyway. It's nice to have people over after all these years."

"Oh? How do you mean?"

"Well, my wife was the one who always brought people over. She was a social butterfly, unlike myself and Kazuya." He says and gently flicks Kazuya's forehead. "Yes, it was nice preparing such a large meal and filling the table again." A somber look passed over his face before smiling it away. "No matter, Shikari-kun. You can come over for meals anytime."

 _No you can't,_ Kazuya harrumphs.

"Thank you." Shikari bows, winking at Kazuya's twitching face. "See you at seven tomorrow, kid. Remember, training ground nine. Get a good sleep."

"Hai, sensei."

Nodding, Shikari moves to leave but pauses in the doorway, twisting around and having a curious expression on his face.

"I almost forgot, what's your core? You never did say yesterday."

Ryo frowns. "Core?"

Kazuya shrugs, "Just this thing Sensei wants to know. What drives and motivated us to become shinobi, that type of thing."

"Aah."

Nodding, Shikari cocks his head at Kazuya, wiggling his eyebrows. "So, Kazuya-kun, what's your core?"

"What's my core, sensei?"

_I want to survive._

"I want to protect my Dad."

"...Huh."

"Not what you were expecting, sensei?"

"Oh no, I just realized something - probably shouldn't be surprised considering who said it. Little bugger's always right."

Kazuya frowns, because _that_ sounded ominous. "Pardon?"

"Shika-chan was right." With that he gives a confused looking Ryo a mini-salute and closes the door after him.

"Ho~," Ryo cocks his head, "wonder what that was about."

Kazuya stares at the door for some time.

Shikamaru. That meddlesome  _brat._

. ,


End file.
